Yoga per Bessel van der Kolk's recommendation

[papillon]

 

I recently read "The Body Keeps the Score"... listened actually since the audio book is up on Youtube (yay!).

Dr. van der Kolk strongly recommends the use of yoga to help us get in touch with our bodies. They've done some really interesting studies on yoga's positive effect on folks who have experienced trauma. If you haven't read it yet... don't delay! (But, be warned that he does describe a few experiences of patient's trauma which could be upsetting to listen to if you're not prepared.)

Anyway... I went to a beginner's yoga class today.

I won't get into it much, but between shutting down from family drama and dealing with chronic pain, I have a long history of blocking out my body's sensations and needs. Like many women, I also have a somewhat distorted view of myself, thinking that I weigh too much and feeling like I have to apologize for the space I take up.

The yoga practice was gentle and simple. I wouldn't consider it a workout, just light stretching and core stabilizing. So it's the kind of thing most anyone can walk into and feel able to do.

We focused on our breath and on an awareness of the body in order to hold the poses correctly.

I wasn't expecting it... but it was incredibly helpful. Now, I'm not saying I'm cured and yoga is the answer to everything ever... but I felt my body in a different way than I'm used to. Holding the Warrior 2 pose, looking out over my hand, I looked and really saw myself. I felt a connection between what I was seeing, and feeling, and doing. I saw my bony hand and wrist. I saw a skinny arm. I saw myself for what I really am instead of how my mind plays tricks on me.

Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but it's a real struggle. I'm sure this awareness is just the tip of the iceberg, but it was a positive experience that I look forward to exploring more. (Way more than I look forward to discussing my body in counseling! )

Would love to hear about anyone else's positive yoga experiences!

[Three Roses]

It doesn't sound ridiculous at all. After I listened to his book on YouTube, I found some beginner stuff and it really helped. I also found a chakra test online, it told me which were underactive and some mediation exercises to help balance them. I was sceptical but tried it and was surprised how much it helped.

[papillon]

That's great! I've heard of the website doyogawithme.com, it might be a good way to do some of this from home. Although, I really like having someone present with me to correct my posture.

He mentions that heart rate variability is low with traumatized people. I downloaded an app for my phone that can read HRV. It was a free one, so it doesn't have all the features I'd like to track progress, but I hope to see improvement after continuing to practice deep breathing, yoga and pilates. When I first used it a few weeks ago (in a state of "relaxation") it said I was extremely stressed and put my age at 25 years above actual 

[movementforthebetter]

Bumping this thread to say that I've been following Yoga With Adriene on youtube since January and have found it very helpful. I always, always feel better after doing yoga. I have started from absolute beginner level. She has videos at many levels of difficulty.  She also has specific routines for emotional  states which are nice. What I like about her is her emphasis on movement and expression within the poses. You can hold still if you want, but I am so stiff and cary so much pain that the freedom to angle into sore spots within a pose has allowed me to go further than I thought I could. I try to do 20 min every day - doesn't always happen but that's ok.

Wondering if anyine has found any CPTSD-specific yoga resources?

[meursault]

I have fallen off the horse the last few weeks, but yoga has been one of the most beneficial thing I've done for myself.

I can't recommend it enough.  It's all about breathing into the tension for me.  I do hot yoga, which I thought I'd find too "holier than thou", but actually find the thick hot air helps me focus better.

Unlike mftb, I like the more static stuff, and like spending time being aware of all the different feelings and tensions as I stay in one pose.  There are lots of attractive women there, but I barely register it.  I thought that might have made me too anxious, but it doesn't.  I visualize one of my three year old "boys" clinging to me as I do poses, peeking out from behind my leg or whatever, looking at the other people.  I find I don't have to then!  It's actually good for finding calm and comfort just BEING in the presence of others, especially women.  That's a secondary benefit, though.  It's mostly feeling SOME comfort in my own body.

Meursault

[Rainydaze]

Bumping this thread to say that I've been following Yoga With Adriene on youtube since January and have found it very helpful. I always, always feel better after doing yoga. I have started from absolute beginner level. She has videos at many levels of difficulty.  She also has specific routines for emotional  states which are nice. What I like about her is her emphasis on movement and expression within the poses. You can hold still if you want, but I am so stiff and cary so much pain that the freedom to angle into sore spots within a pose has allowed me to go further than I thought I could. I try to do 20 min every day - doesn't always happen but that's ok.

Wondering if anyine has found any CPTSD-specific yoga resources?

Ooh, Yoga with Adriene is wonderful. Adriene is really gentle, encouraging and funny which is lovely because I find it stops me putting too much pressure on myself to look a certain way. I just enjoy the moment for what it is. I've noticed over time that practising Yoga every few days (ideally I'd do more) helps me relax and self soothe.

I'm not a confident person and struggle socially but I enjoy it so much that I'm looking for local classes. 

[sanmagic7]

i've tried yoga several times over the years, but somehow it never worked the way i thought it would for me.  i couldn't quiet myself, i got no sense of calm, and my body hurts so much that all i felt was pain no matter what pose i tried, or i couldn't balance - something kept getting in the way.

lately, i've changed tack and have been doing extremely gentle yoga moves, modifying even them so they would 'fit' for me better, and i'm now finding some of what others keep talking about.  i'm only about a week into this, and only do it about 15 min./day, but so far it seems that it is helping to give me more calm than i had otherwise experienced.   it still feels odd to me, but better, so i'm going to keep it up.

[Spirals]

Sanmagic7,

I haven't read all the responses yet, but  I've had the same experience with yoga. The first time I tried it at 21, I found it very relaxing.

Fast forward to last spring when I took a different class after a few years of no yoga. WOW. It really highlighted the effect that the cumulative traumas have had on me 

I could barely follow the instructor, found it difficult to regulate my breathing, and struggled to do many poses due to pain or balance issues. It was not the relaxing experience I had associated with yoga, and I was secretly a little demoralized to see how scatter-brained I had become over the last few years.

Slowly, it seemed to calm my nervous system down. I was calmer, and more alert on days I went but it did take some time. It also made me yawn like crazy, oddly enough. But then I would be more alert afterwards, lol.

So don't feel bad about changing poses and stuff. I've done that during classes, or sat whole poses out. Both instructors I've had emphasized how important going at your own pace, and listening to your own signals is to Yoga. 

[Saule]

I've been taking yoga classes with a teacher who has done training in JRI's trauma center trauma-sensitive yoga. It is amazing.

[sanmagic7]

thanks, spirals, for the encouragement.  it comes and goes - some days it seems all right (especially if i've taken ibuprofen to calm the pain), but other days the pain gets in the way.  i'm working on healing the pain, helping my body be more as it should be, but it's like i can't do both.  too much brain power being expended, which leaves me stressed.  still, i do a few stretches every morning, and those are helpful, always, even if painful.  it would be nice to get to this relaxing, calming, grounding place i hear so much about from others.  will keep working at it.

[joyful]

I took a yoga class last year (before I knew about CPTSD specifically, but I knew I was still messed up). I took it for the purpose of cross-training, but it usually made me calmer. There were lots of times when i'd go into it completely dissociated and detached from my body, but I usually came out more grounded.
I don't know if this is a weird thing that's just me, but does anybody ever feel that when you're trying to "tune in" to your body, you get super uncomfortable and it's like you're cringing away from it?
lol maybe that doesn't make any sense.

[movementforthebetter]

This does make sense to me. I find I become afraid or anxious about tuning into my body, and that leads to me skipping yoga if I don't power through it. I become fearful of feeling the physical pain in my body, too. Sometimes a lot of negative thoughts race in my head early in the session, too. If I persist through all those things, then I feel better afterwards. Some days it is a big hill to climb.

[radical]

I think it's a really important point and one of the biggest barriers for me, in using body-work (and sometimes other modalities) when I need them most.

I 'm thinking of it lately as being a part of a problem with EF states in which I become even more sensitisied to every kind of pain.  If there are two primary motivation systems in all animals, which should, ideally balance each other  - ie seek reward, and avoid punishment, trauma has tended to exaggerate my pre-existing tendency to prioritise the 'avoid punishment' system over the 'seek reward' system. 

When I'm feeling more sensitised than usual, trying to push past avoidance is incredibly difficult.  My brain seems to really ramp up the warnings of danger, and at the same time, the perceptions of or sensitivity  to physical and psychological pain. This can further deactivate my ability to take action, sap my energy, strength and confidence etc. so that the very idea of taking any kind of action is a huge challenge, and if I can overcome that one, the experience of trying is much more painful and harder to push past.

[sanmagic7]

radical, i think you put into words what i'm not able to consciously feel.  i can relate.  thanks.

[Spirals]

Hi, people 

Hmmm. I find the varied reactions to yoga on this thread really interesting. And you're welcome, Sanmagic7  I think you will reach the calm/grounded feeling if you keep going at your own pace. I personally believe we all have to explore and tinker until we find what works best for our own minds and bodies.

I recently restarted doing yoga again using YouTube videos instead of classes. Someone mentioned Yoga With Adrienne, I watch her, too! Lol. But I watch more of Cole Chance's videos because I like knowing she used to be an addict. It just makes her more relatable to me.

I notice certain muscles won't relax as often or as easily as others (for me it is mostly my forehead), though. Sometimes I get like an emotional release when they relax that isn't always pleasant. So it makes sense that other members could have greater difficulty with yoga if more of their muscles are affected like this. I drink a little wine and diffuse essential oils sometimes and that seems to help the process be less threatening.

Has anyone else tried Autogenic Training? It's like a guided relaxation sequence (some videos add hypnosis and other stuff, though) that doesn't involve tensing your muscles so maybe it would be helpful to members who find yoga painful