An article that has helped me. Spiritual Abuse: Take back your faith.

[Dutch Uncle]

Spiritual Abuse: Take Back Your Faith

http://www.traumahealed.com/articles/spiritual-abuse-take-back-your-faith.html

For me the key phrase/section was this:

Some people find it comforting to believe that they chose their parents before birth. I find it intolerable to believe that my deep self would intentionally cause me that much pain, so I dropped that belief.

Inspired by this article, I have written down my own "article of faith" in which I discard this painful notion that my mom implanted in me, as a means of controlling me and to coerce me into putting up with her crap that I had to endure her abuse. (This was the implicit meaning I got from it at least.)

I can't find that "confession of faith"/creed at the moment, but when I do find it (and I will  ) I'll post it here.
Even though the "article of faith" is primarily a discarding of a faith I do not hold, namely my mom's coercive faith.

[Dutch Uncle]

Taking my faith back:

original diary entry: 25 january 2015

"I find it intolerable to belief that I, Dutch Uncle, wonderful Dutch Uncle, kind, loving, compassionate, joyous Dutch Uncle, would intentionally put myself in such harms way, to teach myself 'a lesson' to redeem myself for past lives, and that doing so would be the purpose of life itself. I find it intolerable to belief that I would send anybody through the abuse I have endured, and that I would have chosen myself to do that for myself, in order to better me and make me a more complete human by doing so.
No, that is not a belief I hold."

[stillhere]

Yes, Dutch Uncle!  Your assertion disavows an act of self-harm.

I've encountered a little of the "we choose our parents" logic among the new age types I've known.  The claim always seemed like a form of blaming the victim.  It certainly absolves the perpetrator.  Instead, anything done to you is your fault, yes?

And the perpetrator also gets to the victim of self-harm.  Small wonder this kind of PTSD is "complex."

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks. 

And in my case it's the perpetrator of my abuse, my mom, who has tried to instill this belief in me. Double whammy.
Good grief! The amount of energy I have poured in to resist it! The utter confusion I have endured!
Yes? No! Yes? No, it can't be. Yes???
NO!! No way!

"Small wonder this kind of PTSD is 'complex.' ", indeed.


edited to add:
Expanding on the whole concept of 'choosing your parents': It's the ultimate Abandonment, no? The ultimate Parentifying, no? It's not the parents who wanted the child, but the child wanted them, and is it's own parent.
The way I experienced her words (and she often said these in a context when I looked for, needed, wanted some care and /or validation, if only just through sharing an experience) was that she didn't have to take any responsibility, agency for what she did or neglected, because whatever she did it was what I wanted, or at least needed (if only for my redemption, which she calls 'growth') even if I didn't like it. I had chosen her, so the best 'gift' she could give was to be herself, put herself first without any regard for me. It's what I have chosen, by default.
Yuck.
It has a sadistic ring to it.

Nah, it's not my belief I have chosen her. No way.

[Dutch Uncle]

While searching for my "article denunciation*) of faith" I had to sift through many loose sheets of paper.
(I've given up (temporarily?) to keeping a 'proper' diary some year(s) ago, when I realized I would have to discard a lot of my thoughts/experiences/memories at some point, instead of keeping them 'bound' into 'Volumes' of past "archiving".)
And now I find this sheet of paper lying next to me:

Undated (presumably around the time of my "denunciation of faith" or it wouldn't have been in the same pile)

[Mother's name],
I'm wholly OK.
Whole-ly OK.
I am whole and completely good.
There is nothing wrong with me.

There is nothing that needs to be Healed.
I am heal(ed) already.

And you are not my therapist who has to heal me,
or should supervise my healing process

I am Whole and All OK.

Go away

(Münchhausen by proxy?)

**end of note/sheet**

*) thanks stillhere for spotting and affirming that so well.

[arpy1]

i applaud you,  , D/U, for this act of decisive self-protection. it is what you deserve.

 

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks.

May I have this dance?  

[Dutch Uncle]

Today I stumbled on a YouTube-postster.
She has made a powerful post on The Narcissist New Ager: It's Just Another Mask. While my New-Age TherapistMom was much more covert than hers, it sure does ring a bell.
It also has a nice touch on the idea that 'broken people' attract 'broken people'. While not discounting the idea per se, she makes some valid points that "predators (animals) do not attack the sick, but the vulnerable (yet healthy)."

Food for thought.

[Bungle]

she makes some valid points that "predators (animals) do not attack the sick, but the vulnerable (yet healthy)."

I didn't watch the video (limited bandwidth,) but that was truly a profound moment... I had a sense of the multitudinous factors leading to my becoming involved with a NRM in the first place, as well as the realisation that my being 'targetted' for recruitment isn't a sign of illness, only vulnerability.

I have to say, I've been moved reading the threads in this subforum; good on every single one of you for breaking free

[DecimalRocket]

This is some great progress for you guys!

While I have nothing against spirituality just because of spirituality or even the belief that you choose your own parents before birth — I have a problem when it's used as justification for abuse, self hatred or stagnancy in something horrible in life. People have the right to their own beliefs, but not the right to believe in something that hurts others or forces ideas upon them.

Good job there.